Thursday, June 6, 2013

All Is Well that Ends Well

Everyone is home safely and in their respective abodes!  Aidan and Jayden are in Virginia with Mike and Jaime, and David and I are home with our kiddos.   Made it through DNA through FRRO in time for our originally scheduled flights!   Babies are both growing very well, gaining weight, though Jayden has reflux and is on Zantac, which also happened with my daughter from birth.   Jaime and Mike are tired, but over the moon with joy!  My mom is there helping out until Jaime's teaching is done next week.   David contracted some sort of intestinal bug and has been sick since his arrival home on the 28th - Cipro should be knocking it out soon, he made it all the way through until right before landing in Dulles without any sort of Delhi Belly issue, but in the end (literally) could not escape it totally.

Reflecting on the whole exit process, it is not the easiest thing in the world, but it is doable as long as you are prepared to experience some delays and some inconveniences along the way.  My best advice is to remain flexible about your return date, use Chromosomal Labs out of Phoenix for your DNA (Tell Melissa that Kim sent you, I am truly impressed with their entire process, and they really helped us tremendously knowing our situation, and no, I do not get a referral fee), and have a sense of humor when dealing with the FRRO.  The FRRO is a crazy different planet, but we were out in 2 hours (which actually makes me feel guilty because a dear single friend of mine there the same day waited all day due to the FRRO wanting further clarification from the OBGYNs signature).  We decided to try the afternoon set up and arrived at 2:45 pm.  I sat up front with the babies, right beside the cashiers, and as far as I know, am the only person ever offered tea service while waiting.   Be nice, be flexible, and understand that these people are under a huge amount of pressure when dealing with changing rules and different countries and so many people per day.   They attempt to control the chaos, and I found that if you just smile and ask for help, they are accommodating.  They don't often have people smile at them in there (trust me, I sat beside the cashiers, and saw the constant scowls and angry questions), just realize that they are there to do a job, and your job is to be nice and get the heck out without delay.   The guy at the first desk in the room surrounded by all of the people is the one you want to be the nicest to - he is harassed all day, but told me that he really likes to see the babies, and that he wishes he could spend more time looking at them.   I do know that they are required to ask the same questions over and over again, and that each worker there has different views on what surrogacy means to all involved.  There is some judgment, of course, but they don't want to keep the babies, they just want to know they've covered their own jobs by asking every thing they can think of.   Try not to take offense, my single friends, I know it's hard when they ask you if you're gay, or question your ability to be a single father - they genuinely don't understand how you are going to do it on your own - most of them have mothers and sisters and wives who care for the babies, and they are just the "providers".    I think they envision your sleepless nights with true horror, and fear their own ability to handle raising a child on their own.  Again, this is a lesson in understanding different cultures for ALL of us, and sometimes that comes across as rude and judgmental, and that stinks, but try to remain above it so that you can get the heck out of there in a hurry!

Oh, and if you are on a Medical Visa (which was FINALLY obtained two hours prior to the flight over), be sure to report the birth of your babies to the FRRO within 14 days.  Even if you are not there yet, somehow we are supposed to report the birth if the biological party is on a Medical Visa.  They praised us for having the medical visa, then we were fined triple what those on tourist visas are fined for NOT registering the babies...   This was not fully understood by us, but in the interest of getting out, we did not argue.  So, the total paid by us was approximately 5700 INR per baby, when we were expecting 2,175 INR per baby....  We had employed Poonam to put together our paperwork for the FRRO part only, and the paperwork passed right through without question.

So, mission complete!  Now to get other clients and friends through the process!   If anyone has any questions, feel free to drop me a note!



  1. So glad to hear this update and know that all is well. Congrats and belated welcome home!

  2. Fab to hear the end of one chapter and the start of the next ! Congratulations!!

    We also had an excellent experience at the FRRO (in and out in under 3 hours with exit visa in hand), kindness and understanding goes a long way. However I understand not everyone has a good experience.

    I am amazed at how these poor people do their jobs, they are obviously so understaffed and their offices are ridiculously undersized yet they still manage to smile and help as much as possible.

    The complaining that would happen in our own country under those circumstances would be immense, in fact I am sure people would refuse to go to work under those conditions.
    So we too were immensely grateful for the work the FRRO does.

    Best wishes for the wonderful life ahead for your family and the twins.


  3. Kim, excellent email. We had the same experience at the FRRO and formed the same opinion. They are doing a tough job all year. Hundreds of thankless people go in and out of the FRRO and its a thankless job. We had a good attitude about it and it was not as bad as some say. It is an experience but its only a couple of hours out of your life. Be nice, its simple....they are not waiting there all day just for you to turn up so they can belittle you....they want to do their job and go home. Lots of Love ...Pete and Lynda (Perth), Charley is a little angle, 5 months old now and she sleeps all night....

  4. Hi Aunty Kimmie

    Some spam from Meg over at

    Hoping you can help, if you can't that's fine, if you can help even a little bit, please do. We have a mum and babies born through surrogacy in India with SCI, they need help.

    Please read their full story at this link and please give whatever you can.


  5. Great post and good to know all is well! May I ask how much is Poonam service just for frro exit?

  6. Hi Kim,

    Thank you for a great post! We are in the process of surrogacy with a clinic in Mumbai, and we need help with birth certificate emission, FRRO visa exit for the baby etc. Do you have a recommendation for an attorney or someone to put together our paperwork at FRRO? What is poonam?
    Thank you so much,


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