Complete Surrogacy Solutions

So, going to the next level!

Complete Surrogacy Solutions is an affordable boutique surrogacy client management company.   I work directly with two doctors only as their American Client Manager - one fabulous and well known doctor in Delhi who offers an "all inclusive prenatal" package with high success rates for my heterosexual and married couples, and one highly experienced and esteemed doctor in Bangkok who offers a "one stop" surrogacy package for my single and or gay clients.  I am only taking on a few clients per month, and handle everything that I can to make this process as smooth as I can.

I'm very excited about this opportunity, and have many clients who are already signed up and ready to go to both doctors.  In fact,  one of my couples just had their medical visas approved without needing extra time or more documentation!  I had them submit EVERYTHING to BLS, despite BLS claiming that they didn't think the documentation was necessary.  However, better to learn from lessons past than to assume anything in this process!

Website and Complete Surrogacy Solutions blog set to go.  We're on Facebook.  Please spread the word - honest client management, access to surrogates during my quarterly visits to Delhi and Bangkok, honesty with regards to surrogate housing, financial transparency, basically everything that people have asked me for is being covered.   Open communication.

I have a group cycle starting in Thailand set for November,  I will be present for all medical procedures and will meet each surrogate and egg donor for group .   I can accept a few more clients in the next few weeks before I have to close new applicants for the November cycle.  If you need a Caucasian egg donor agency, I happen to know of an excellent agency with donors who are well screened and prepared to travel and begin their cycles.   I will be sending individual clients as needed, but prefer to try to group several together so that they can support one another along the way too (if they wish to share their experiences), and have people around they have met for baby pick up.

I'm VERY happy to help anyone who needs it!

Kim Hendrix
President and Founder
Complete Surrogacy Solutions LLC

Freedom to Blog About True Feelings

What to think when a clinic removes a popular blog from its own blog list when an Intended Parent is facing problems and wants to talk about them publicly?   I will never understand this - surrogacy is not always a smooth process, and I think that it's better to be open and honest about what everyone goes through.  It's not shameful to have a complex pregnancy, from a clinic OR an IP standpoint.  Pregnancies here in the states encounter complications and unexpected costs and emotional turmoil, what is the shame of talking about it?   When someone reaches out with concerns or disappointments or sadness, why is the clinic removing the blog instead of talking the concerns through?  This raises HUGE red flags all over the place.   I tend to look at sites that feature all "happy happy" throughout the process as dishonest, because we are all smart enough to know that it's just not true.

So, on the blogs that I will set up for my own surrogacy sites will be open to ALL bloggers going through surrogacy, the good, the bad, the ugly.  We have things to talk about, and we should be able to put things out there without fear of reprisal from the clinics who are taking care of our babies and the women who are carrying them.

This has really and truly upset me, and I feel like I have to talk about it.   My own blog has been removed from a site, but that's okay with me, I knew it would happen because I'm not just talking about pleasantries of the industry, but about how we can make the industry better for all involved.  Doctors who have nothing to hide support this, and encourage it, and they will follow my blogs happily.   We're a vast community with varying experiences.   And this is a HUMAN experience and we will have HUMAN emotions, this is not just "big business" to many of us, and that needs to be recognized, not diminished.

Okay, off the soap box for today, I just have had enough of "pumpkins and flowers" and realize we all have things to talk about, so let's discuss and make this a better industry all around.

Kim

RESOLVing to do more

I have immersed myself in the surrogacy industry since I first learned of it as a possibility for Jaime and Mike through friends of ours who brought back their baby, Em, in Feb of 2012.  I personally suffered through years of infertility, surgeries, repetitive miscarriages, various diagnoses and treatments prior to successfully having my own children, who are now 11 and 9.  I was very public with my experience and have always wanted to find a way to help other people who are facing trouble creating their families.  It's something that many take for granted, but end up having difficult barriers to entry.  Surrogacy, let alone International surrogacy was not even something on our radar 15 years ago unless you happened to be a glam movie star.  It seemed so unattainable for the rest of us.

I have learned much through this process, good and bad, and I am now working at a different level than only client managing for one certain clinic.   I am working with a group who will be inspiring positive changes, best practices, and offering a central resource for information gathering and education for all of us who are at the point where surrogacy becomes the one true choice.   I'm very excited about this opportunity as I feel it will help so many people, and will inspire honest practices and transparency within the industry as a whole.   Surrogacy is such a "hot button" issue that in order to keep this a viable option open to everyone, we must be sure that everything is on the up and up.  Negative press needs to be replaced with positive stories, people need to be able to talk freely and openly about the experiences they have encountered and there should be zero fear in facing and negative issues head on.  Only in dealing with things in a straight forward manner can we be sure that issues are resolved and are not repeated.   We're dealing with human lives, we want it to be a true win win for our surrogates, for our children, and for ourselves.

Today I met with RESOLVE.org, THE central educational and infertility policies group here in the US, with their emphasis based on providing support and resources to those diagnosed with infertility.  It was a great meeting and I think I brought some new thoughts to the table, and I certainly walked away with some new concepts and ideas from them.

I plan to be involved as much as I can with the industry, both domestically and internationally.  I am honored to have this opportunity, and we will be announcing plans soon for large scale educational forums and conventions.  The group I'm working with has big ideas, which will be announced very soon.  It's exciting, and I hope that it helps provide hope and safe surrogacy options to many, while keeping the industry itself properly regulated and transparent, something that we all need to think about as we see the industry change in India, and as more explore options in Thailand.  I stand by my original thinking, which is SURROGACY WORKS, but I think it can work even better with open discussions within the industry, and with well informed intended parents.   Everyone should be going home completely joyous about their new babies and without negative feelings about the process itself.

More meetings in DC this week, including getting to take Fred out for a night on the town prior to his departure for India to see his newborn twins.  It's really "cool" how an industry can pull you in so deeply that you're ready to give your entire life to the process and to helping people throughout the entire journey.  Everyone who has gone through this is a "Surrogacy Ambassador", it's not a title just to be given to one or two, rather to everyone who has experienced it, and I'm hopeful that we will all be able to talk freely about our individual experiences to make things even better for those who come after us.

Best wishes to all, I'm hoping that everyone is experiencing success.

Kim

New Visa Processing company for the USA

Just a heads up, as of July 1, Travisa is no longer the processor for Indian visas of any type.   The new company is called BLS International.   I have calls into all processing locations for further information.  This is a company based in India.  Hopefully this transition will not cause major delays in processing.   I'll post further info as soon as I have it.

http://www.visa.blsindia-usa.com/visafee.php

I know a few people who will be applying in the next week, so I will post the outcome and experiences.  

Happy 4th to everyone!   Babies have doubled in weight, despite both having reflux, and Jaime and Mike are tired but thrilled.   Cameron flew up yesterday to meet his new baby cousins, some cute photos coming in!

K.

All Is Well that Ends Well

Everyone is home safely and in their respective abodes!  Aidan and Jayden are in Virginia with Mike and Jaime, and David and I are home with our kiddos.   Made it through DNA through FRRO in time for our originally scheduled flights!   Babies are both growing very well, gaining weight, though Jayden has reflux and is on Zantac, which also happened with my daughter from birth.   Jaime and Mike are tired, but over the moon with joy!  My mom is there helping out until Jaime's teaching is done next week.   David contracted some sort of intestinal bug and has been sick since his arrival home on the 28th - Cipro should be knocking it out soon, he made it all the way through until right before landing in Dulles without any sort of Delhi Belly issue, but in the end (literally) could not escape it totally.

Reflecting on the whole exit process, it is not the easiest thing in the world, but it is doable as long as you are prepared to experience some delays and some inconveniences along the way.  My best advice is to remain flexible about your return date, use Chromosomal Labs out of Phoenix for your DNA (Tell Melissa that Kim sent you, I am truly impressed with their entire process, and they really helped us tremendously knowing our situation, and no, I do not get a referral fee), and have a sense of humor when dealing with the FRRO.  The FRRO is a crazy different planet, but we were out in 2 hours (which actually makes me feel guilty because a dear single friend of mine there the same day waited all day due to the FRRO wanting further clarification from the OBGYNs signature).  We decided to try the afternoon set up and arrived at 2:45 pm.  I sat up front with the babies, right beside the cashiers, and as far as I know, am the only person ever offered tea service while waiting.   Be nice, be flexible, and understand that these people are under a huge amount of pressure when dealing with changing rules and different countries and so many people per day.   They attempt to control the chaos, and I found that if you just smile and ask for help, they are accommodating.  They don't often have people smile at them in there (trust me, I sat beside the cashiers, and saw the constant scowls and angry questions), just realize that they are there to do a job, and your job is to be nice and get the heck out without delay.   The guy at the first desk in the room surrounded by all of the people is the one you want to be the nicest to - he is harassed all day, but told me that he really likes to see the babies, and that he wishes he could spend more time looking at them.   I do know that they are required to ask the same questions over and over again, and that each worker there has different views on what surrogacy means to all involved.  There is some judgment, of course, but they don't want to keep the babies, they just want to know they've covered their own jobs by asking every thing they can think of.   Try not to take offense, my single friends, I know it's hard when they ask you if you're gay, or question your ability to be a single father - they genuinely don't understand how you are going to do it on your own - most of them have mothers and sisters and wives who care for the babies, and they are just the "providers".    I think they envision your sleepless nights with true horror, and fear their own ability to handle raising a child on their own.  Again, this is a lesson in understanding different cultures for ALL of us, and sometimes that comes across as rude and judgmental, and that stinks, but try to remain above it so that you can get the heck out of there in a hurry!

Oh, and if you are on a Medical Visa (which was FINALLY obtained two hours prior to the flight over), be sure to report the birth of your babies to the FRRO within 14 days.  Even if you are not there yet, somehow we are supposed to report the birth if the biological party is on a Medical Visa.  They praised us for having the medical visa, then we were fined triple what those on tourist visas are fined for NOT registering the babies...   This was not fully understood by us, but in the interest of getting out, we did not argue.  So, the total paid by us was approximately 5700 INR per baby, when we were expecting 2,175 INR per baby....  We had employed Poonam to put together our paperwork for the FRRO part only, and the paperwork passed right through without question.

So, mission complete!  Now to get other clients and friends through the process!   If anyone has any questions, feel free to drop me a note!

Kim

The Good News, the Bad News and more inconvenient changes

Finally, the medical visa will arrive in the morning two hours prior to scheduled flight, after jumping through every hoop imaginable.  Big thanks to the Travisa folks who stayed late tonight to make sure that the passport visa got shipped out LITERALLY 5 MINUTES prior to last fed-ex pick up.    Will arrive at 10 am, they depart for airport at 12:00

Can we say stress?

One hurdle accomplished last minute, now we need to look at the other end.   In process of making the appointment for the DNA test for tomorrow, Tuesday, I was informed that now we can't make appointments for DNA prior to going through the other appointment for the passports and citizenship (ACS appt)!  Well, that would be fine but we have one document that needs signed here in India that is necessary for the ACS appointment.  So, I can't move forward with either process and the guys don't get here until Thursday.  Which of course means that DNA is now once per week, and we now have to wait the whole week to get things processed.   Wouldn't be an issue, aside from the fact that our returns are booked for the 28th, which if I had been able to do the DNA as planned, would leave us plenty of time for the FRRO process.

This policy is brand new.  Of course it is because on the Embassy website, it clearly states that DNA is step 2 and ACS is step three and you may either combine appointments or schedule them separately.  They just have not updated the website yet.    Really, come ON, have things not been made more difficult with the once a week testing alone?    So, now if you do need to have a medical DNA test at the hospital, you will need to go through ACS first.  It seems utterly silly, the DNA is the requirement for approval of everything!  Why not let it remain step 2?  It seems like we're foiled at each attempt at an organized exit.

At least both David and Mike will arrive, and I will hand over the little ones to Mike for a 12 hour nap.  It's been very stressful dealing with the changes here, and I was so prepared with everything I needed.  Or so I thought!

Babies are fine, aside from the fact that they have decided to wage war on me from 5 am until 9 or 10 each morning.  Completely united attack!

What day is it?

I think it's Sunday, it's a bit blurry, but that's actually the day popping up on my calendar, so I suppose it is Sunday.  In that case, happy first Mother's Day to my little sister Jaime!   Soon, sister, these little boys will be home to your waiting arms and your new life will begin.  I'm so thrilled to be able to help you this way.

It's hard to believe that just over a year ago this seemed like just a glimmer of hope, a pipe dream based on the beautiful success of close friends of mine who brought their daughter home from India in February of last year. That precious little girl, Emmie, is the real reason we are here.   It seemed amazing that you could actually do this from half way around the world, but somehow it strangely made sense, and so it began.   There were some hurdles to overcome at the start, but we're stubborn stock in my family, and in my own world the word "NO" just means a delayed "YES" and that creativity and teeth gritting determination is required.   We made it work, and now, one year later, I'm in India with two healthy babies, and Jaime is a mother!

The boys are doing well, feeding, sleeping (them), tinkling and having dirty diapers.   Opening their eyes and looking around trying to focus -  although this seems to happen more in the middle of the night than during daylight hours.   All the stuff babies do that I happen to love.   I have been asked if it's going to be hard to take care of them so closely and then walk away without having some sadness.   It's something I've contemplated as I cuddle them, but really, I know that I will be happy to see my sister's life complete and that I'm considering this time as just another part of this particular surrogacy process, and that maybe I'm the "post gestation temporary surrogate".   It's my job in this.  And it feels really really good.  It's what family does for family.   People think I'm pretty brash to juggle this solo without the baby nurse 24/7, but I want this time just the boys and me.   I had 2 c-sections, and did not take a true maternity leave with my kids, my company was undergoing some major major changes and I was the only person who did my particular job in the company.  So, I worked from home, juggling post-partum depression, c-section recovery, and intense spread sheets full of legal crap.  Nursing Cameron in one arm while typing one handed through tears at 2 am.   This time allows me to recoup some of that lost time with my own children through time with my nephews.   The thing that every new parent needs to really remember, this precious time is so fleeting.  I know you've heard it before, but it is absolutely true.  Try to savor this because you will forget so much of it if you aren't aware of that fact.  Then  you will have a 9 and 11 year old before you know it and you'll regret that you didn't just STOP and enjoy the smell of the Johnson's baby shampoo.   That being said, it does not mean that I want to do it all again on a permanent basis!  David and I are almost to the point when we can contemplate a date night without a babysitter.  We're on to the next phase of parenting, this is just a nice TEMPORARY travel back in time for me.  I will be just fine.

Once the juggling of trying to get this medical visa is through I will be able to truly relax and enjoy.   We got word at 2 pm US time Friday that they had once again denied the application.   More documents which seemed totally irrelevant requested.   I procured them, we called the Consulate General, we wrote emails detailing the key points, and as I was about to really drop my basket, an email back from the CG in Houston - we will help you.   Provide us with a few more documents, and the birth certificates in 2 hours and we'll approve it today.  Given that we don't have the birth certificates yet, they are going to attempt to process everything on Monday and get it through in time for Travisa to first priority overnight the passport and visa in time for the scheduled flights on Tuesday.  Literally 11th hour.   So, the boys and I made a trip to the SCI office yesterday to sign the birth certificate applications, which will be super rushed and back to us in time to email to the Indian Consulate in Houston and to Travisa when they open Monday morning.  That 12 hour time difference is key,  while David and Mike prepare for their flights the scurrying continues.   So, all fingers and toes crossed that this all comes together on Monday.   So far, David and Mike are scheduled to meet up at Heathrow for the final leg to Delhi.   Mike is DYING to get over here to his sons.  David is convinced he's going to have Delhi Belly the entire time.  Jaime just wants the Skype in my new room to start working well again so that she can spend virtual time with her babies.

Just had a lovely visit with two new Aussie daddies who brought their little one back from the hospital today, our first "playdate".   They are just down the hall, and they've offered so kindly to run out if I need anything.  I reminded them that I'm here if they have any worries on their first nights.  I have to smile as I think of their first sleepless night as they constantly check to be sure the baby is breathing. I find myself doing the exact same thing, doesn't matter if you're a new parent, or an old experienced one, these first weeks are guaranteed to come with some major anxiety as you figure out what works for your baby and family.  There's no real right way to get through it, you just have to be on constant "India time" and go with the flow.   Otherwise you'll go bonkers and forget to enjoy!  

Happy Mother's Day to everyone, but especially Jaime.  :)